Love Reigns: Nathan and Lukas Trayte

Nathan and Lukas Trayte

Lukas needed a change. He was in a stormy relationship and had been chatting with Nathan for months on the social networking app Grindr. So when Lukas broke up with his boyfriend, he moved to Florida to start a new life. But it didn’t last long. After just a month, he returned to Ohio and moved into Nathan’s house in Berea. Now, six years later, the two live in Cleveland Heights and wed July 10 in Ohio before hosting a private wedding ceremony in Puerto Vallarta July 30. We spoke to them about the importance of family and the benefits of finally being able to publicly announce their love for one another.

Nathan: I spent many years trying to be straight. I had previously been engaged to a woman. So, I had kind of a mental block with the whole marriage thing. Coming out of what would have been a sham wedding, I just had a hard time wrapping my head around that. I knew Lukas was the right person, and even then it still took a while. The winter after we had moved to [Cleveland Heights], we had a house, we were living this life together. It finally clicked. Lukas is fiercely protective, not only of me, but of our family unit. I know that he always has my back.

Lukas: I wear the pants in the relationship, but he’s the belt that holds them up. He’s never held me back from anything. I’ve always admired the fact that he is so family-oriented. My parents came up with my sisters and all their kids right after Thanksgiving last year. I pretty much said, “You either want a relationship or not. Nathan and I are getting married. I want you to meet him. I want you to see where we live.” I frantically decorated the house for Christmas. I got it done an hour before they showed up. It was important to me. You want your parents to accept who you’re with, and they accepted my brothers-in-law. Well, I found someone and I want to show him off too. I always wanted to get married. I wanted a family. I wanted kids. — as told to James Bigley II

Editor’s Note: In the September issue of Cleveland Magazine, we interviewed 10 same-sex couples that were engaged or married following the June 26 Supreme Court decision. Check back every Wednesday for more stories through Sept. 30. For all the stories in this series, click here.

Love Reigns: Melissa and Meryl Soto-Schwartz

Melissa and Meryl with their son, Eli

After dating for six months and relocating to Cleveland, Melissa and Meryl Soto-Schwartz had a ceremony in 1997 at the Cleveland Heights Civic Center. Then while on vacation in Vermont in 2000, they had a civil-union ceremony at a library. In 2011, they also had a wedding in front of Niagara Falls with their then-10-year-old son, Eli, as witness in the hopes they could receive some form of legal protection for their family. We spoke to them about the importance of marriage equality and what it means for them now that both mothers have joint-custody of their son.

Melissa: I never thought I could get married, or even find a lifetime partner much less anything like this. We’ve been fighting for so long and to know our son and our whole family is validated and recognized and not at risk is the most incredible feeling. No one can come in and break us up in any way, shape or form, and we won’t be denied anything. Until you’re at the mercy of the law, you don’t know what that’s like. To finally have the highest court in the land say, “You can’t deny these people these rights,” it’s incredible. You are finally recognizing my full humanity.

Meryl: I’m going to be able to legally adopt Eli. Since we’re considered a legally married couple by the state of Ohio and the federal government, I don’t have to worry about that. It’s a new landscape. Because of the huge amount of public attention to these issues, there is nobody in America who is not aware that there are same-sex couples among us, same-sex couples who have all of the rights of the law. Knowing that we are married has a huge psychological boost. What allows me to adopt Eli at this point is that I’m married to his biological mother. So, the process will be the same as for a stepparent adoption. Now, of course, I am not Eli’s stepparent, I am simply his mother. But in the end, it won’t matter. In the end, my name will be on a new birth certificate and he will have two mothers, and that will be that. — as told to James Bigley II

Editor’s Note: In the September issue of Cleveland Magazine, we interviewed 10 same-sex couples who were engaged or married following the June 26 Supreme Court decision. Check back every Wednesday for more stories through Sept. 30. For all the stories in this series, click here.

Love Reigns: Keith Garrett and Chris Richardson

Keith Garrett and Chris Richardson

Keith Garrett and Chris Richardson were the first same-sex couple to tie the knot in Cuyahoga County. Though they professed to be marrying simply to give their 18-year relationship the weight of legality, things got a little emotional when the pair broke out in tears and embraced in Judge Anthony Russo’s courtroom. We spoke with them about what it means to finally be legal and finding acceptance in family.

Keith: We never really sought any kind of religious acknowledgement. We never sought religious matrimony. Our relationship wasn’t based on any of that. We have a strong relationship — we didn’t need that. What this was important for was getting the legal recognition that traditional couples get just by having a marriage license. There are something like 1,100 rights that it automatically conveys. There’s only so much you can do with powers of attorney and rights of survivorship. That sounds cold, because you’re not talking about any love there. But the love was never in question. The love never needed to be recognized publicly. The legal part was what we sought.

Chris: My mother is very supportive. My parents got divorced when I was very young. My father, he is as supportive as I could expect him to be. He turned 70 this year, and he grew up in a very small town in the mountains of southwest Virginia. He grew up with those values where being gay was unheard of. It was instilled in him at a very early age that it was unacceptable. Without diving into some of the things that he said to me when I came out to him, he has come a long way. When we first got together, we went out to eat, and my dad would talk to him without actually looking at him. We sat at a square table, across from him and my stepmom, and she wouldn’t look [Keith] in the eye. And two years ago, they came up here and stayed Labor Day weekend with us. The fact that they came up was huge. I actually went down recently to see my dad, and he made a comment, basically saying, ‘You know I don’t like the fact that you’re gay, but if this is what makes you happy I support you.’  That is more than I ever thought he would say. — as told to Sheehan Hannan

Editor’s Note: In the September issue of Cleveland Magazine, we interviewed 10 same-sex couples who were  engaged or married following the June 26 Supreme Court decision. Check back every Wednesday for more stories through Sept. 30. For all the stories in this series, click here.

Reclaiming Womanhood: Laverne Cox Speaks at Case Western Reserve University

Orange is the New Black actress Laverne Cox spoke about gender issues at CWRU. Photo Credit: Ryan Zymler

From the moment Case Western Reserve University president Barbara Snyder  introduced Laverne Cox to the time the actress stepped off stage, she commanded attention. Cox delivered a speech at the campus last night. Her role as prisoner Sophia Burset on Orange is the New Black has thrust her into the national spotlight and helped her break barriers from being the first transgender person to get nominated for an Emmy to being the first transgender person to grace the cover of Time Magazine. And on Monday, she will accept a Woman of the Year award from Glamour Magazine — a publication that celebrates women of beauty and power — alongside Lupita Nyong'o, Chelsea Clinton, and Samantha Power.

"I stand before you this evening a proud African-American transgender woman," she said upon approaching the podium. "I stand before you tonight an artist, an actress, a sister and a daughter, and I believe it is important to name the various intersecting components of my multiple identities because I'm not just one thing, and neither are you."

Cox then highlighted alarming statistics to set the stage for discussing transgender issues. For example, the homicide rate in the LGBT community is highest among trans women, according to the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Projects. In 2013, over 72 percent of all LGBT homicides were trans women, 67 percent of which were trans women of color.

"It is my belief that one of the biggest obstacles facing the transgender community are points of view which disavow our identities," she said, "points of view that suggest that no matter what we do, we are always and only the gender that we are assigned at birth, points of view that suggest no matter what I do, I'll never be a woman yet. Ain't I a woman?"

She went on to talk about how she was bullied growing up, often beaten by her peers while she ran home from school, and how she attempted suicide in sixth grade. She also talked about how she persevered, devoting herself to dancing and acting classes, clinging to her twin brother for emotional support, and ultimately undergoing hormone therapy and starting her transition into womanhood 16 years ago.

"As long as we live in a culture where people have to prove their womanhood or their manhood, we are not living in a culture where we are all truly free in terms of gender," she said. "We have to begin to create spaces of gender self-determination for all of our youth and all of our society."