Love Reigns: Nathan and Lukas Trayte

Nathan and Lukas Trayte

Lukas needed a change. He was in a stormy relationship and had been chatting with Nathan for months on the social networking app Grindr. So when Lukas broke up with his boyfriend, he moved to Florida to start a new life. But it didn’t last long. After just a month, he returned to Ohio and moved into Nathan’s house in Berea. Now, six years later, the two live in Cleveland Heights and wed July 10 in Ohio before hosting a private wedding ceremony in Puerto Vallarta July 30. We spoke to them about the importance of family and the benefits of finally being able to publicly announce their love for one another.

Nathan: I spent many years trying to be straight. I had previously been engaged to a woman. So, I had kind of a mental block with the whole marriage thing. Coming out of what would have been a sham wedding, I just had a hard time wrapping my head around that. I knew Lukas was the right person, and even then it still took a while. The winter after we had moved to [Cleveland Heights], we had a house, we were living this life together. It finally clicked. Lukas is fiercely protective, not only of me, but of our family unit. I know that he always has my back.

Lukas: I wear the pants in the relationship, but he’s the belt that holds them up. He’s never held me back from anything. I’ve always admired the fact that he is so family-oriented. My parents came up with my sisters and all their kids right after Thanksgiving last year. I pretty much said, “You either want a relationship or not. Nathan and I are getting married. I want you to meet him. I want you to see where we live.” I frantically decorated the house for Christmas. I got it done an hour before they showed up. It was important to me. You want your parents to accept who you’re with, and they accepted my brothers-in-law. Well, I found someone and I want to show him off too. I always wanted to get married. I wanted a family. I wanted kids. — as told to James Bigley II

Editor’s Note: In the September issue of Cleveland Magazine, we interviewed 10 same-sex couples that were engaged or married following the June 26 Supreme Court decision. Check back every Wednesday for more stories through Sept. 30. For all the stories in this series, click here.

Love Reigns: Anne Price and Claudette Cole

Anne Price and Claudette Cole

Anne Price and Claudette Cole, both educators, became friends while working at a local Head Start program. Claudette, now retired from education, had four children from a previous marriage. Their shared passion for art, gardening and education — and their four grandchildren — brought the pair together. Now Anne is the director of the Office of Field Services at Cleveland State University, where she oversees student teachers. On June 26, they put the official seal on their 15-year relationship.

Anne: I grew up gay. I knew I was gay since I was 12 but didn’t come out until I met Claudette. I’d been in a relationship prior but didn’t see the benefit to coming out because there wasn’t any at that point. Growing up in the ’80s, absolutely not. I grew up in a small town outside Columbus, very homophobic, still is, and watched folks that I knew through the Girl Scouts, people I met through volleyball, whose lives were made hell because it came out. As a kid graduating high school in 1984, that was a pretty bleak thought of what could be. [When I met Claudette], she was Jamaican, she was married, she’d had four kids, but there was this energy between us. I was going to be in charge while she left for three weeks to go on a trip. And she called me that evening and wanted to know something dumb like if I had the key, which I think was a farce, and we met. She asked me a question, and I thought the question was, "Are you game?," like can I ask you a question. That wasn’t the question. It was, "Are you gay?" And the answer was, "Yes," to both. That was it, Aug. 1, 1999, and the rest of it was history.

Claudette: I remember one evening, Anne was on one side of the car and I was on the other. You know the Colgate thing, where there’s the little bling on the tube? I could just feel her energy going right into my soul. I felt it, and I was like, uh-oh. I didn’t say anything to her, and I called a friend. We met at Garfield Park Reservation, and my friend said, "What is it?" I said, "I fell in love with a girl." She said, "Shit, I thought you were on drugs!" I’m like, "No!" So she and I talked, and I went to a counselor, who didn’t think it was a big deal. Then I went to my pastor, and he didn’t say anything. I thought, What is wrong with these people? Somebody should find something wrong with this, but they didn’t, they just kept rolling. Nobody said stop, pause, nothing. We’re just so compatible. I wrote her a note that said when God created her in this little town near Columbus, and me in Jamaica, we were bound to come together. — as told to Sheehan Hannan

Editor’s Note: In the September issue of Cleveland Magazine, we interviewed 10 same-sex couples that were engaged or married following the June 26 Supreme Court decision. Check back every Wednesday for more stories through Sept. 30. For all the stories in this series, click here. 

Love Reigns: Melissa and Meryl Soto-Schwartz

Melissa and Meryl with their son, Eli

After dating for six months and relocating to Cleveland, Melissa and Meryl Soto-Schwartz had a ceremony in 1997 at the Cleveland Heights Civic Center. Then while on vacation in Vermont in 2000, they had a civil-union ceremony at a library. In 2011, they also had a wedding in front of Niagara Falls with their then-10-year-old son, Eli, as witness in the hopes they could receive some form of legal protection for their family. We spoke to them about the importance of marriage equality and what it means for them now that both mothers have joint-custody of their son.

Melissa: I never thought I could get married, or even find a lifetime partner much less anything like this. We’ve been fighting for so long and to know our son and our whole family is validated and recognized and not at risk is the most incredible feeling. No one can come in and break us up in any way, shape or form, and we won’t be denied anything. Until you’re at the mercy of the law, you don’t know what that’s like. To finally have the highest court in the land say, “You can’t deny these people these rights,” it’s incredible. You are finally recognizing my full humanity.

Meryl: I’m going to be able to legally adopt Eli. Since we’re considered a legally married couple by the state of Ohio and the federal government, I don’t have to worry about that. It’s a new landscape. Because of the huge amount of public attention to these issues, there is nobody in America who is not aware that there are same-sex couples among us, same-sex couples who have all of the rights of the law. Knowing that we are married has a huge psychological boost. What allows me to adopt Eli at this point is that I’m married to his biological mother. So, the process will be the same as for a stepparent adoption. Now, of course, I am not Eli’s stepparent, I am simply his mother. But in the end, it won’t matter. In the end, my name will be on a new birth certificate and he will have two mothers, and that will be that. — as told to James Bigley II

Editor’s Note: In the September issue of Cleveland Magazine, we interviewed 10 same-sex couples who were engaged or married following the June 26 Supreme Court decision. Check back every Wednesday for more stories through Sept. 30. For all the stories in this series, click here.

Love Reigns: Keith Garrett and Chris Richardson

Keith Garrett and Chris Richardson

Keith Garrett and Chris Richardson were the first same-sex couple to tie the knot in Cuyahoga County. Though they professed to be marrying simply to give their 18-year relationship the weight of legality, things got a little emotional when the pair broke out in tears and embraced in Judge Anthony Russo’s courtroom. We spoke with them about what it means to finally be legal and finding acceptance in family.

Keith: We never really sought any kind of religious acknowledgement. We never sought religious matrimony. Our relationship wasn’t based on any of that. We have a strong relationship — we didn’t need that. What this was important for was getting the legal recognition that traditional couples get just by having a marriage license. There are something like 1,100 rights that it automatically conveys. There’s only so much you can do with powers of attorney and rights of survivorship. That sounds cold, because you’re not talking about any love there. But the love was never in question. The love never needed to be recognized publicly. The legal part was what we sought.

Chris: My mother is very supportive. My parents got divorced when I was very young. My father, he is as supportive as I could expect him to be. He turned 70 this year, and he grew up in a very small town in the mountains of southwest Virginia. He grew up with those values where being gay was unheard of. It was instilled in him at a very early age that it was unacceptable. Without diving into some of the things that he said to me when I came out to him, he has come a long way. When we first got together, we went out to eat, and my dad would talk to him without actually looking at him. We sat at a square table, across from him and my stepmom, and she wouldn’t look [Keith] in the eye. And two years ago, they came up here and stayed Labor Day weekend with us. The fact that they came up was huge. I actually went down recently to see my dad, and he made a comment, basically saying, ‘You know I don’t like the fact that you’re gay, but if this is what makes you happy I support you.’  That is more than I ever thought he would say. — as told to Sheehan Hannan

Editor’s Note: In the September issue of Cleveland Magazine, we interviewed 10 same-sex couples who were  engaged or married following the June 26 Supreme Court decision. Check back every Wednesday for more stories through Sept. 30. For all the stories in this series, click here.

I Am Trans* Films and Arts Exhibit Encourage Self Expression

No matter who you are or where you come from — you should always honor your true self. This lesson comes across brilliantly in I Am, Ohio's first ever transgender art exhibit at Waterloo Arts gallery, open until May 25, where 15 artists from around the country share their experience as transgender individuals. In conjunction with the exhibit, Sistah Sinema is premiering Stealth and Kuma Hina: A Place in the Middle, both of which were previously shown at the Cleveland International Film Festival, that capture the transgender experience through a younger generation.

"It's encouraging and emboldening these young children to be themselves," says Deidre McPherson, founder of the Cleveland chapter of Sistah Sinema. "Both films are positive examples of young people being supported by adults and showing them how we as adults are mentoring and raising the next generation — how we can support them, and love them, and encourage them to be happy and see themselves."

The films will be shown back-to-back Friday, May 1 beginning at 7 p.m. and will be followed by a panel discussion led by activist Zoe Renee Lapin, one of our Most Interesting People of 2015. The event is free, but donations are encouraged to Margie's Hope, a local nonprofit dedicated to helping transgender people find secure housing and employment. Here's a sneak preview of tomorrow night's films.

Stealth follows a young transgender person in her search for acceptance.

Stealth, which won this year's best student short film award at CIFF, stars Kristina Hernandez as an 11-year-old who goes by the name of Sammy. As the new girl at school, she reveals her secret to her closest friends — that she was born a boy but living life as a girl. When she's betrayed and her identity is publicly revealed, she's faced with the decision to stay masked or to live out her true identity. "I actually heard people gasp in the audience [at CIFF] as they watched the film and be surprised, not knowing what the film was going to be about," says McPherson. "It's a reminder of the rejection, the bullying, and the harassment that some people face in school just to be different in any way."

Kuma Hina: A Place in the Middle is a documentary that captures a teacher's journey to educate her students on the acceptance and appreciation of gender fluidity.

An honorable mention for the Spalding and Jackson award at CIFF, Kuma Hina: A Place in the Middle captures the complexity journey of a classroom navigating the thin line of gender expectations. When 11-year-old Ho'onani decides she wants to participate in the traditionally masculine hula troupe, her transgender teacher, Wong Kalu finds a way to make it happen while explaining the importance of embracing the male and female characteristics that reside inside of everyone. "Wong Kalu uses her native Hawaiian culture to empower her young students," says McPherson. "This film brings to life a diverse gender spectrum that challenges people to think about gender identity in a better way."

3 to Know: Legacies of the Gay Games

Panel from left to right: David C. Barnett, ideastream senior reporter and producer; John Grafton, board member, Gay Community Endowment Fund of the Akron Community Foundation; Phyllis Harris, Thomas Nobbe and Michelle Tomallo

As snow swirled outside and below zero temperatures enveloped the town, the City Club of Cleveland bell rang once again. Just more than six months after the closing ceremonies of Gay Games 9, a panel met Feb. 19 to discuss the lessons and legacies of the Gay Games. For our August 2014 cover story, we did the same, examining the impact and difficulties of the LGBT community on Cleveland, centered around the games. Economically, the Gay Games were estimated to have had a $52.1 million impact. Nearly 75 percent of games attendees came from outside of Cleveland.

Safety was a top priority, said Phyllis Harris, executive director of the LGBT Community Center of Greater Cleveland. Her organization conducted 40 trainings at the Cleveland Police Department academy over 40 weeks before the games. Harris led some of the classes herself, teaching 40-50 police officers at a time. "It was scary and it was life changing," she said. "In a way I think it set the tone for much of the training that continued to happen throughout the year."

The community center is in the process of purchasing a new headquarters building with an anonymous $1.8 million donation, announced during the games. The center has been located in a Gordon Square storefront since 1999. The network established during the games was instrumental to their move, said Harris. "People listen if I call now," she said. "They want to collaborate now, they had a good experience."

Here's three things you need to know from the discussion:

1) The 2014 Gay Games were the most profitable in the history of the organization, finishing with a surplus of $150,000. "From the outset of planning the games, our board and staff were really determined to see that these games finished in the black," said 2014 Gay Games executive director Thomas Nobbe.

2) The $150,000 surplus will be donated, with 80 percent going to form a new Gay Games legacy fund at the Cleveland Foundation, and 20 percent to the Gay Community Endowment Fund of the Akron Community Foundation.

3) Though the Gay Games were certainly a symbol of progress, both the panel and attendees were quick to emphasize that Ohio does not provide legal protections for same-sex couples. "We had all this grand success and there was all this celebration. It literally was palpable, all the energy, vibrancy and love," said Michelle Tomallo, president of the board of directors of Plexus, the LGBT chamber of commerce. "All of that happened in the context of a state where we don't have any protections for the exact people that we're celebrating."

Reclaiming Womanhood: Laverne Cox Speaks at Case Western Reserve University

Orange is the New Black actress Laverne Cox spoke about gender issues at CWRU. Photo Credit: Ryan Zymler

From the moment Case Western Reserve University president Barbara Snyder  introduced Laverne Cox to the time the actress stepped off stage, she commanded attention. Cox delivered a speech at the campus last night. Her role as prisoner Sophia Burset on Orange is the New Black has thrust her into the national spotlight and helped her break barriers from being the first transgender person to get nominated for an Emmy to being the first transgender person to grace the cover of Time Magazine. And on Monday, she will accept a Woman of the Year award from Glamour Magazine — a publication that celebrates women of beauty and power — alongside Lupita Nyong'o, Chelsea Clinton, and Samantha Power.

"I stand before you this evening a proud African-American transgender woman," she said upon approaching the podium. "I stand before you tonight an artist, an actress, a sister and a daughter, and I believe it is important to name the various intersecting components of my multiple identities because I'm not just one thing, and neither are you."

Cox then highlighted alarming statistics to set the stage for discussing transgender issues. For example, the homicide rate in the LGBT community is highest among trans women, according to the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Projects. In 2013, over 72 percent of all LGBT homicides were trans women, 67 percent of which were trans women of color.

"It is my belief that one of the biggest obstacles facing the transgender community are points of view which disavow our identities," she said, "points of view that suggest that no matter what we do, we are always and only the gender that we are assigned at birth, points of view that suggest no matter what I do, I'll never be a woman yet. Ain't I a woman?"

She went on to talk about how she was bullied growing up, often beaten by her peers while she ran home from school, and how she attempted suicide in sixth grade. She also talked about how she persevered, devoting herself to dancing and acting classes, clinging to her twin brother for emotional support, and ultimately undergoing hormone therapy and starting her transition into womanhood 16 years ago.

"As long as we live in a culture where people have to prove their womanhood or their manhood, we are not living in a culture where we are all truly free in terms of gender," she said. "We have to begin to create spaces of gender self-determination for all of our youth and all of our society."

Cleveland's LGBT Community Has Momentum

Luz Pellot, Co-Chair of Gay Games 9 Party and Social Events Committees, poses in front of "Hands Across the Community," a mural sponsored by Graffiti Heart and composed of handprints of those who participated in the Games.

When 8,000 Gay Games participants came from all over the world to Cleveland in August, more than 1,300 participants from Northeast Ohio joined them. The city welcomed them with open arms and pride flags waving.

For Cleveland's LGBT community, 2014 has been a year of growth and change. This year, the LGBT Community Center of Greater Cleveland has helped more than 530 people per month, nearly double its average from 2013.

To keep this momentum going, the LGBT Center hosted an event in the Gordon Square Arcade last night to showcase its programs and advocate for change.

With Gay Games memorabilia lining the halls of the arcade and DJ Zoe Lapin keeping the party going in the atrium, visitors mingled upstairs, Below, in the Center's space, people recorded and archived stories about how Cleveland has changed for them in the wake of the Games.

"The energy was palpable after the Gay Games," said the Center's communications coordinator, Ryan Zymler. "The queer community in Cleveland saw what it was like to have a queer-friendly city during the Gay Games. That energy is translating into wanting to make that a permanent place, as opposed to the seven days of queer paradise that we had."

During the event, activists gathered signatures to send to Cleveland City Council in support of new LGBT civil-rights measures. The activists are calling for legislation that would offer more thorough protections for gender identity and expression in the workplace, eliminate the cost difference between same-sex and opposite-sex couples in city employees' benefits, and extend non-discrimination protections to include the trans community's right to use restrooms.

Seven Strikes: Cleveland's Women's Softball Team and Silver Medal Winners: Lindsay Kimora, Kristin Kozel, Kristi Andrasik, Phyllis 'Seven' Harris, Lisa Hopps, Deidre McPherson, Jessica Lancaster, Ali Brawner, and Carey Gibbons. Photo Credit: Rachel Kalayjian

Michael and Colleen Sliwinski, Alana Jochum, Deanna Bouchahine, Nick Komives, Maggie Stark, Michelle Tomallo and Mary Zaller. Photo Credit: Rachel Kalayjian

Gail Adoseofg captures Nicole Thomas of Equality Ohio on camera for the One Word Forward photo-installation to show how Cleveland got better post-GG9.

How Gay Are We: Out in the Open

The Global Rainbow at Aha! Festival of Lights.

The sign read “gender-neutral bathroom.” It was posted at the Cleveland Museum of Art during the pre-Gay Games party, Night Before 9, and for me, it was not just a cardboard cutout – it was a step toward inclusion for Cleveland. Our city hasn’t always been kind to the transgender community — just last year there were a series of attacks that led to the deaths of three women and discrimination from local news sources. To see such an important institution be accepting of gender expression and welcome the transgender community —which has for a long time remained invisible and often overlooked — it was as if the city itself had opened its arms.

As a member of the LGBT community, I was speechless during the opening ceremonies at the Quicken Loans Arena when participants from San Francisco carried a massive rainbow flag as spectators stood and cheered them on. And when the Russian Federation entered the arena, greeted by a standing ovation after having suffered from so much persecution at the hands of their own government over the last year, I cried. I was not only overwhelmed by the tremendous amount of love and grace that was being lifted up, but also from being a single gay man united with thousands of individuals who applauded the perseverance of those who have suffered, celebrating pride in self-expression and honoring all of those who felt they didn’t have a voice. I never thought I would ever see something like it in my lifetime — a place in which everyone was united in their individuality regardless of race, class, sexual orientation or gender. By the end, I was convinced that Cleveland was proud that the Gay Games had arrived in our city.

I returned to Akron telling all my friends how incredible it was that there was so much freedom of expression in Cleveland. Having lived in several small towns in Northeast Ohio where being gay was never openly discussed nor expressed, I couldn’t help but boast how amazed I was that Cleveland was changing the game. My friends saw it for themselves, too — having grown used to suppressing public displays of affection — they were shocked by how many same-sex couples were holding hands and embracing one another in Public Square. They couldn’t stop talking about how great it was that City Hall was flying the LGBT flag, and only after checking with one another whether it would be OK, did they reach for the others’ hand.

Toward the end of the week, I was stopped by a visitor from San Francisco who asked, "Are the people of Cleveland always this nice?" I thought about it as we walked side by side down a dark street toward the rainbow-lit Terminal Tower and away from GG9 Festival Village where hundreds of strangers were dancing with each other under neon-colored lights. When we reached the corner, I stopped and said, "No, Cleveland hasn't always been this open, but it's been getting better over the last five years." He nodded his head, congratulated me on how polite we all were, and then asked if Cleveland had always been this gay. I couldn't help but smile, considering the cover of this month's issue of Cleveland Magazine, but when I finally turned to give him an answer all I could say was, "We've always been here. We've just been waiting for the right time."

There have been more advances in LGBT activism in our country in the last 10 years than there have been in the last 100. With 19 states now supporting same-sex marriages and 21 states offering nondiscrimination laws to protect LGBT individuals, Ohio isn’t that far behind. We’ve created domestic partner registries, we’ve started begin to recognizing same-sex marriages from other states, and we have openly-gay officials in office such as state Rep. Nickie Antonio, who is actively fighting for nondiscrimination laws to protect the LGBT community at home and in the workplace.

As GG9 came to an end, I kept thinking about where we might go from here and what needs to happen next. And while there’s certainly a lot of work left to be done at the state level, I returned to those nights out on Mall C where everyone danced, to those quiet dinners where gay couples reached across the table to hold hands and to those moments when gay athletes were cheered on.

Whether the pride flags come down or they remain flying, Cleveland should hold on to the hope that this has been and can be a city where we all live without judgment, able to love freely and be who we really are 100 percent of the time.

Pride in the Moment: Day Six



Pride means making a statement. Photographer Billy Delfs snapped this image of a sailor competing in the Gay Games at Edgewater Yacht Club Friday. This week, Delfs and three other area photographers captured participants, visitors and crowd members for Summit Artspace's Pride in the Moment online exhibit. See all of their photos, from a vibrant feature shot of a spectator dangling a disco ball on the sidelines to an exuberant female couple ready to take the dance floor, for a year at prideinthemomentgg9cle.com and prideinthemomentgg9cle.org.

Sailing, Edgewater Yacht Club, Aug. 15
Photo Credit: Billy Delfs

How Gay Are We: Dad Competes in GG9 to Support Teen Daughter's Coming Out

What is it like having a child come out? Mark Swaim-Fox, the director of the Cleveland chapter of Facing History and Ourselves, a nonprofit that teaches students about social justice issues, stood by his 15-year-old daughter's side as she came out as a lesbian last year. This week, Swaim-Fox joined two of his best friends and his son to compete in the Gay Games in support of his daughter.

    I think my daughter is one of the most remarkable people I know. I would do anything in the world for her. She knew she was gay in the seventh grade, but she came out to us toward the end of her eighth-grade year. We were sitting down together and she said, ‘I’m gay, but I’ve told you already.’ She was dropping these hints that she was noticing girls, and we weren’t picking up on it.

    I cried, not because she was gay, but because I missed it; because this is so important and it’s part of her identity, and because we love her and we’re so close. It was a really tender, sensitive moment. My first instinct was a parental one. I said, ‘I don’t want you to be hurt. I know there’s still homophobia out there.’ Not wanting my daughter to be a target is really serious for me, and my wife and I both struggle with those things. My next instinct was, ‘Oh my gosh, what can I do to support you?’

    We’re really being conscious about our language and really asking about her love interests like we would with our son. Nothing is really different. We’re just making sure on a day-to-day basis she knows that we love her.

     I feel I’m not a father of a lesbian; I’m a father of my daughter. I think she’s got such grace and maturity, and we’ll support her when she’s in trouble and we’ll share her joy when she’s excited — no matter what.

     The PFLAG meetings we went to helped a lot. There is something communal about other parents sharing stories together that help. It’s not a gay-straight sexuality thing. It’s just about paying attention to our children and what they need and making sure they can be whoever they are. — as told to James Bigley II